Recently, my blog drafts have been piling because I haven't quite been able to put together my rapidly changing thoughts. It's reminded me of just how fickle the human mind and emotions can be. I mean, one day, I'm thinking one way with certain thoughts, but then a small thing would happen that would shift my entire perspective. That fluidity has its own ups and downs, though. On one hand, I'm learning to adjust to my surroundings and circumstances; on another hand, I can't seem to keep myself grounded in decisions and thoughts nowadays.
What I do know for sure is that talking to others has been helping me understand my own life and slowly collect my thoughts. And I don't mean talking at people and vomiting my words at them without caring if they'd understand, but I mean those deep, late-night conversations over coffee (or maybe not, since Christmastime is leaving me pretty darn broke) where you discuss life back and forth and open doors to more conversations for advice and encouragement from others. That's what helps.
See, it's weird to keep thoughts completely to yourself since you can really only see things in one perspective -- your own. Our perspectives on anything are shaped by our individual life experiences, which is unique and special and all of that, but that alone makes our perspectives so incredibly limited. Each person's perspective could be clouded by being in Cloud 9, you know, in emotions and feelings and all the stuff we try too hard to convince ourselves that we're not blinded by. Trying to live life in our own minds just doesn't cut it. But once you share your life, desires and struggles with others and open yourself up to hear and learn from them, you broaden up your perspective to things outside of your limited thinking -- and more often than not, it proves to be beneficial. I mean, others can see things even more clearly than I possibly can on my own sometimes, and when they share to me what they see and know, it can be so life changing. So I need those outside perspectives. They bring me down to earth and back to reality. They bring something new and true and not so sugar-coated to the conversation. In turn, I hope that others can benefit from my different perspective, too.
These past few weeks, I've allowed myself to be vulnerable and to have those perspective-shaping-and-challenging conversations about many things that have been tugging at my thoughts and heart recently... and to people I would have never guessed I'd have these conversations with. I know they're all walking different and even further paths of life than I am and so I knew they'd have something different to say other than what I just want to hear and what I try to tell myself. I've found that the dynamic of the encouragement and advice from these people has been dramatically different than all that I've heard before from others -- like being told to yield and be led by selfless patience rather than "you only live once; act as you wish and don't think so much about consequences" and sayings of the sort. And just that has reminded me that I haven't just been learning the value of confiding and accountability, but also the importance of doing and finding that in the right people -- the ones who've gone through more of life than myself and are so filled with the Word that their encouragement and advice IS the Word. God's love and wisdom overflows and pours out of them and their lives, straight into the conversation, and then into my heart. This is precisely what it means when God speaks through others, and I'll keep doing my best to listen more attentively.
Mind you, my thoughts have still been messy. They probably will be most of the time, and I'll probably always second-guess myself before anything. But I'm glad that I have people in my life to help me filter and process my life and thoughts, keep me grounded in the Word, in the right advice and encouragement. Maybe I won't figure this all out, or maybe I will. Maybe it'll take 5 years until I do. But I'll keep working towards it.
(P.S. Merry Christmas Eve!)